Bet you thought I forgot about this blog, didn't you? Well, I didn't! I just took a half year break from writing anything on it. :) In all seriousness, though, I feel bad that I completely stopped writing. Unfortunately, anyone that checked this blog at all back then I'm sure has long forgotten about it, so that means that I will have no audience for this post. It's okay, though. Now that it's summer I will have more time to write and I hope I can gain back a few people to read this.
I want to be really honest about the reason I stopped writing on this blog. Starting right after I wrote that last post, I started a very long period of apathy. I would no longer read the Bible regularly, look at my my devotion, or even pray very often. I was aware of what was happening throughout the months, and I didn't want it to be like that. But whenever I thought of things that I could do to come out of it, like opening up the Bible again or talking to someone about it, I was just too lazy to follow through.
The scariest thing about that whole thing was that I was starting to stop feeling anything. I was completely apathetic to anything religious. Even when I felt convicted about it, and I would pray to God to let me feel something, it didn't seem to work. My spiritual numbness was more present than ever before. It was scary, and I knew it was happening. But that was the thing- I cared, but not enough.
It has only been in the last couple of weeks that I have really started to come out of my spiritual low. I remember the first thing that happened was when we watched a talk at school. We were shown the "How Great is our God" talk by Louie Giglio. I had seen it before, but it impacted me differently that time. I listened to him talk about the vastness of the universe and was in awe. About halfway through, I actually comprehended the fact that I was being struck by the greatness of our God. It made me so happy I wanted to jump out of my seat. My prayer, my half-hearted prayer that I had tossed up to God every now and then for the last few months, my undeserving prayer to feel something, was being given to me. I loved God completely, with my whole being, in that moment, for the first time in months.
Since that day, I have been slowly reaching back into my personal relationship with Jesus. I church talk here, a prayer there, and I found myself taking baby steps back into a lifestyle around Christ. I am going to be having more opportunities to be impacted by God this summer, and I plan to use them. Like I mentioned at the beginning, I am going to try to write on this blog more often. I don't know how much I will, but I will try.
One thing I have learned through this is that you never know what is going to happen next. My last post on this blog was my favorite of any I had done. I was being totally vulnerable and sharing my heart, and I felt incredibly close to God. Then, within weeks, I was starting a period of my life where I relied on myself for everything, instead of God. I don't know what journeys God is going to take me on this summer, but I am excited. And I am slowly learning to lean on Him, to love Him, and to realign my life to be centered around Him.
Grace
